Fate would have it that I be gifted with a 3 month free membership to our local gym via class action settlement (gotta love em lawsuits. Am I right, or am I right?). So, of course, I put it off. For almost an entire year. At this point I’ve forgotten all about my free card and simply go on with my sedentary lifestyle in mildly guilty ease.
Until about a month ago when I rediscover said card, hidden away in the confines of my closet next to my physics book.
Oh. Haha. I wonder how that got in such a hidden and obscure place…
Well now, it would be such a waste for me to stumble upon this gift twice and still not use it, so I stroll on over to the gym, slap the card on the counter like some VIP and say “Membership me!” I am confident. I am ready. I am in control, and I am Gym Member Extraordinaire!
Thirty minutes later I’m suckered into signing up for the basic personal trainer package. So much for being in control.
After a few sessions though, I find myself enjoying the training. Not only do I feel great afterwards (until the soreness kicks in. God have mercy on my weak pathetic body), but the set schedule gets me in the groove for motion/energy/etc. It’s actually pretty friggin nice. Besides the hurting part. Yeah, we can just keep ignoring that.
Other than the basics of gym etiquette and health/fitness (ie: don’t hang on the machines, don’t try to sprint on the treadmill when you’re clearly not able to walk a mile, etc) I’ve learned a few things during my brief month. A few are as follows:
1. There are 150 lbs. dumbells in existence.
2. There is a man at my gym that can use said dumbells.
3. His biceps are larger than my thighs twice over (and my thighs are no light matter).
4. Personal trainers can must be excellent liars:
“Just a few more, come on.”
“I can’t, it’s too much, I’m gonne diiieeee”
“You got this, you can do it!”
“Oh, yeah, ok, yeah I can do it. I can do it!”
<wake up next day unable to roll out of bed> I couldn’t do it… *cries*
5. Driving requires the use of abs. You only notice when you have absolutely no more power in your core left even for breathing.
6. The older people get, the less embarrassed they are of walking around completely naked in the locker room; as proud, jiggling sacks of maturity.
7. Even personal trainers eat bags of cheetos with no shame.
8. Army brats who grow up be army brat managers are pretty awesome. Especially if they understand the amazing combination of steak and rice (screw you, potato!)
9. No one actually looks at you in the gym or cares how out of breath you are. They’re too busy being FIT. If their attention is wandering, they’re probably just as much of a pansy as you are. Feel free to judge.
10. It is absolutely possible to be tired to the point of being unable to lift your car keys. I would be lying if I didn’t admit to a moment of panic setting in as I sit on that locker room bench my first day.
All right, time go lie down before today’s session kills me twice over.