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Two legged cat

When something funny is equally sad.

When you realize you are working full-time and going to school full-time, with absolutely no expectation or hope of retaining your sanity. 

When a friend laughs at you for being excited to take a day off of work in order to study all day for an exam.

When the magnitude of how pathetic your life is becomes entertaining.

That is the essence of two legged cat.

HOW CU- wait....

I am become meme.

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Posted by on March 4, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Academic prostitution

The moment our naive little child minds can wrap themselves around the concept of prostitution and sexual “looseness”, a deep sense of shame, loathing, and guilt are ingrained into our consciences by prude, overprotective adults. Have sex, get STD’s, you die. That’s all there is to it. To avoid a painful and humiliating death, all you young girls out there must keep your legs shut, and boys should keep their exploding libido’s in check. Whores = bad. Bad bad bad.

Twelve years later I find myself slowly realizing those same icky feelings of shame, loathing, and guilt are surfacing. Is it because I am wrapping my legs around multiple men? Hell no. I haven’t even kissed a man in God knows how long. So why the dark subconscious cloud?

I’ve realized that we’re all academic whores.

Follow me here. What do whores do?

A whore invests energy and time into satisfying the customer, the customer in return gives them money/other desired goods. There is a pre-contractual period of self-advertisement: through specific clothing and environment choices the whore scopes out potential customers and tries to sells him/herself as being the best at what he/she does, able to satisfy all of the customer’s needs and desires. There are certain niches of whore-dom, specific customer driven demand lines that are fulfilled with specialized production and supply. S&M, role playing, blondes/brunettes/bald, height, weight, you name a desired trait, someone out there will have it.

Now if you replace the word “whore” in the above description with the word “student” and “customer” with “school” and adjust the items, you get this:

A student invests energy and time into satisfying the school, the school in return gives them money/other desired goods. There is a pre-contractual period of self-advertisement: through specific clothing and environment choices the student scopes out potential school and tries to sells him/herself as being the best at what he/she does, able to satisfy all of the school’s needs and desires. There are certain niches of student-dom, specific school driven demand lines that are fulfilled with specialized production and supply. Math, writing, leadership, volunteering, job experience, you name a desired trait, someone out there will have it.

Resumes list off our work experience, laced with our capabilities in the hope that they would be enough to satisfy the employer with a skillful BJ. We whittle away years and years of our lives working on good grades and community service because they are things the schools get hot for. We study for standardized tests like they’re the kama sutra of sex positions. What are personal statements other then the selling of our desirable traits to schools in the hopes of acceptance?  We’re practically strutting around in tube tops and hooker heels hoping to get singled out of a group of thousands by our top choice schools, because we know (hope) they’ll pay out well in the end if we give them a good lay.

Our parents would be so proud.

 
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Posted by on November 20, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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Standardized testing

Oh glorious standardized tests. Whatever would our world do without you? The way you judge us against ourselves with antiquated vocabulary and meaningless math trivia. How you so meticulously set the standard for intelligence and critical thinking, showing us just how well we’ll do in schools and measure our future success. What’s that, it isn’t true? You mean you can’t really tell us how well we’ll do? You don’t say. You mean all that studying and freaking out and hundreds of dollars really don’t do anything except give us a meaningless number? Goodness, what a scandal. You’d think that someone would put an end to such a money grubbing charade….

Oh. Nope. Guess not. The prices just go higher and the standards just keep shifting with “new and improved” testing methods. I myself have funneled in hundreds of dollars for these things and spent hundreds more on study material. My scores always end up being pretty high, but I soon learned that this really has nothing to do with my actual intelligence. Just how well I can adapt to their current mindset. There goes my ego trip…

Ah well, what can you do? To get a better job you need higher education, for higher education you need higher testing, for higher testing you need more time to study at which point you quit the current job you have in hopes of getting a better one… later. After that you can get your amazing job and use it to pay for your higher education debt which you might not have needed to incur if you could have used the time working at the job you had before you started studying. Man I love the system.

 
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Posted by on September 26, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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