Several hundred years ago the founders of the great nation that is America sailed across the Atlantic Ocean and brought their civilized and blessed society to the savage natives of this land. Once they stepped upon the hallowed ground of the Western hemisphere they quickly set about to spread their influence like a flood, joyfully thriving and flourishing along the east coast and eventually conquering the lands to the west. Within a few generations the sea sick travelers from the Old World trekked across the country and can now rightfully claim their place on the throne of privilege from sea to shining sea.
Here, we take a moment in our busy lives, giving one day out of the year to celebrate the journey and success of our founders. Here, we applaud the successful subjugation and overthrowing of the Native Americans that wasted their opportunity at subduing the natural resources of this great country. We fixed their silly laws and backwards cultures and honed it to our righteous understanding of justice.
And most importantly, here we congratulate the success of the mass illegal immigration of America! Hoorah to our founders and their border crossing prowess; allow us to hold a toast to the brave men and who women who dared to cross an entire ocean to invade a foreign land. Praise be to those that took the jobs and welfare of the land from the natives! Raise your glass to the grand values of the founders, the true patriots that risked all to bring class to this backwards country! Feast in their honor oh civilians of the new age, stuff your faces until you pass out in awe and admiration of their selfless entrance into the New World!
Oh man I love stuffing. Thanksgiving is awesome.