Not having anything near good eye sight is an odd thing. Sure there’s the normal lack of of peripheral vision, the tendency to wake up in the morning unable to see what time it is, mixing up the shampoo and conditioner in the shower, and etcetera, but these are all common side effects of being visually impaired. Every now and then though, not being able to see worth a damn can be quite amusing.
Take for example: hair dryers. I’m a die hard fan of letting hair air dry, but sometimes you just have to suck it up and kill your hair for the sake of vanity and time constraints. Or if it’s during the winter and walking outside with wet hair is basically a death wish.
Yesterday was one of those days (time constraint, not winter), so I pull out my handy dandy blow dryer, wipe off the dust, and take off my glasses.
Why the glasses?
They’re made of metal. I don’t want superheated air anywhere near metal that is touching my skin; what if it burns? Or I get some sinister glasses frame branding? You can call me paranoid, but I’m really just very very sensitive. That’s right, I’m the wimp that winces when the hair stylist pulls out the curling iron. Ohhhh the fear~!
So off go the glasses, on revs the blow dryer, and I stand in front of the mirror as if it will help me optimize air coverage. I’m wearing a black shirt so to my weak eyes the black cord of the dryer is lost: I can however quite clearly see the blurry white square that is the label. This gets me thinking “Oh ho, tee hee, I have a label on me. I wonder what it says? Aren’t I being so witty?”
Let me just say that it’s a bit sad when you end up doing what you’re making fun of, since I did end up wondering what it would say. Here’s a few that I remember:
- Warning: Prone to sarcasm. Listen with a
graingenerous handful of salt.
- Do not feed the animals. Only offer ice cream.
- Specimen of Generation Y – Under observation for self-entitlement.
- Defective product – will not balance, return to sender.
- Out of style circa 1995; 90% off clearance!