See this little thing here?
Your typical unicorn. Look at it – it’s colorful, cute, smiling, and probably poops rainbows and heart shaped candy. Delicious heart shaped candy.
Unicorns now are seen as the evolution of ponies (MP +3?), the dream of all little girls to capture and dominate. One look at a unicorn picture and all a she-child can do is imagine scenarios where a beautiful unicorn has been subjugated to her will, forced to fly back and forth with rainbows and smiles from place to place as the child laughs in hysteria with no restraining harnesses. Her unicorn is pretty, soft, fluffy, and oh so happy to be her bestest friend.
But they be wrong. Unicorns should feel more like this:
Powerful, wild, fierce, unable to be tamed except for the wily tricks of a pure virgin (oh those virgins). In some legends (or history, depending on who you ask) the unicorn had the tail of a boar/lion, a billy goat beard, cloven hooves/elephant feet, and of course a massive
phallic symbol horn on its head. Variations of the unicorn existed in cultures spread throughout the world from Greece to Japan, and were revered as symbols of power and wealth with healing powers in their horns (how a long, pointy protrusion ever heals anything, I have no idea, but it’s better than AIDS).
The original unicorn, dating back thousands of years as what was once the proud archetype of masculinity and quiet strength, has somehow been diminished to a child’s stuffed animal.
That shits rainbows.
Where’s the justice? Even the mighty grizzly bear didn’t get it this bad when it got demoted to stuffed animal level.