Demoted to fluff

28 Feb

See this little thing here?

Your typical unicorn. Look at it – it’s colorful, cute, smiling, and probably poops rainbows and heart shaped candy. Delicious heart shaped candy.

Unicorns now are seen as the evolution of ponies (MP +3?), the dream of all little girls to capture and dominate. One look at a unicorn picture and all a she-child can do is imagine scenarios where a beautiful unicorn has been subjugated to her  will, forced to fly back and forth with rainbows and smiles from place to place as the child laughs in hysteria with no restraining harnesses. Her unicorn is pretty, soft, fluffy, and oh so happy to be her bestest friend.

But they be wrong. Unicorns should feel more like this:

See that?

Powerful, wild, fierce, unable to be tamed except for the wily tricks of a pure virgin (oh those virgins). In some legends (or history, depending on who you ask) the unicorn had the tail of a boar/lion, a billy goat beard, cloven hooves/elephant feet, and of course a massive phallic symbol horn on its head. Variations of the unicorn existed in cultures spread throughout the world from Greece to Japan, and were revered as symbols of power and wealth with healing powers in their horns (how a long, pointy protrusion ever heals anything, I have no idea, but it’s better than AIDS).

The original unicorn, dating back thousands of years as what was once the proud archetype of masculinity and quiet strength, has somehow been diminished to a child’s stuffed animal.

That shits rainbows.

Where’s the justice? Even the mighty grizzly bear didn’t get it this bad when it got demoted to stuffed animal level.

I stand painfully corrected


Posted by on February 28, 2011 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , ,

3 responses to “Demoted to fluff

  1. Frances

    February 28, 2011 at 17:31

    bahaha now i know the type of unicorn you cuddled with when you were little 😛

    • chibichunsa

      February 28, 2011 at 17:59

      For your information, I cuddled with a big fluffy white platypus that wore a Santa hat when I was little, thank you very much. ^_^

      • Kelsey

        March 2, 2011 at 18:36

        So you could have christmas all the time! I bet it had an angry face on it to match that second unicorn


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