There are certain moments in my life that I look back on and think “Dear God, I am such an ass.” Sometimes these reflections come immediately after performing said jackassery, or it may come years after the fact in a blinding second of painful and self-loathing hindsight. (Well, loathing may be too strong a word. Maybe I’m just very disappointed in myself and sh’ant allow me to have dessert.)
Apparently my brother has a bit of it too, seeing as how one day while we were driving we saw an elderly couple riding their bikes together on the sidewalk. Quaint. Then they both suddenly topple over each other and fall to the ground. Absolutely freaking hilarious.
This was one of those immediate reflection moments and after our burst of hysterical laughter we shared a look that clearly said “We should go to hell for this”.
Now you can say that it wasn’t so bad. It’s not like I caused them to fall down, or that they were seriously injured. Everyone likes making fun of other people’s pain, look at how successful America’s Funniest Home Videos was during the Bob Saget era.
Sure, ok, so maybe that wasn’t so bad. But rewind a bit to my elementary school years, specifically to a conversation I and a couple other girls were having. I’m not sure how this topic came up (maybe we were learning about it in Social Studies?) but we were having a talk on slavery in America. Yeah,
we were I am a nerd s. Rock on.
Anyways, me and my nerdy over analyzing ways thought there was an argument for slavery. By that I mean that economically speaking it did make sense for the South to have slaves and casting aside the horrendous shattering ethical and moral values, at the time it must have made business sense. But I was, like, 9. I didn’t know these terms. So the best I could do was “Slavery isn’t all bad, guys.” Yeah, I said that.
To a black girl.
You can imagine that she and the rest of the group freaked out and gave me a good little “oh hell no” talk, as they rightly should have given my oh-so-eloquent and culturally competent statement. Being the naive child that I was I admit to becoming a bit flustered at the fact that they were taking my statement so seriously. I was only saying what was on my mind~ Is that such a crime?
I wish I could say that this is a problem that I’ve grown out of, and have now learned the art of subtlety and sensitivity. But wishing is for stars, and tonight is quite cloudy. How in the world do I still have friends…
Figures though, that it takes over a decade for me to realize why exactly they were so pissed. Which makes me wonder: what other moments of complete stupid jackassery will I come to understand years from now?