My top front teeth are uneven. Lefty is slightly longer than Righty, and rubs it in her face whenever they have time. “Oh look at me, I can bite this carrot faster than you can, KUDO POINTS FOR ME, FOOL!” Righty is a very patient tooth and doesn’t really say anything. Lefty gets tired of making fun of Righty, so she starts grinding on the front teeth right beneath her. Problem is, the front teeth on the bottom are uneven too, and bottom Lefty is a little longer than bottom Righty. The Righty’s get along fine, but the two Leftys’ personalities stick out as much as they do so they’re always fighting and rubbing against each other in spite. I think bottom Lefty got tired of being picked on by the bigger top Lefty, so for the past decade or so my jaw shifts to my right when I open my mouth, giving bottom Lefty access to the passive and mild mannered top Righty. The dentist says this is what caused the tooth immediately next to top Righty to start sticking out on her own and making my smile all the more awkward. Understandably this new attack has caused the rest of my teeth some anxiety, and when I close my mouth the teeth don’t all line up the way they’re supposed to so we had to get some filed down a couple years ago.
There’s been a devastating civil war rampaging on within my own mouth ever since these little permanent buggers popped their way out into the world. My baby teeth didn’t have such temperaments, why did these new guys have to ruin everything. Two little Lefty incisors have brought chaos and suffering to the 30 other teeth in my previously happy mouth, so much to the point that my bottom wisdom teeth have refused to completely emerge and now hide themselves behind my gums. My mouth ain’t big enough for all of ’em, so now all my teeth are uncomfortably scrunched up together and listening to the front Lefty’s fight with each other.
I know there’s a moral in here about bullying and infighting and such, but I can’t seem to think of any over the sound of mutiny.