Internet induced hypochondria

11 Oct

Medical students’ syndrome, or Medical students’ disease, is the situation a medical student finds him/herself in when they are studying a disease and come to the conclusion that they are suffering that exact illness. Usually symptoms listed in textbooks and case studies are so broad and vague (I mean really, name “rash” as a symptom and you’ll have 100 different illnesses) that medical students read them like horoscopes; it all somehow relates to them. Except instead of thinking that their true love will run into them on this day, they’ve suddenly contracted a rare and deadly form of oral syphilis.

Once again thanks to modern technology and the layman’s skyrocketing internet usage, medical students are no longer the only ones susceptible to this broad spectrum of fear. Just Google any bodily function of yours and you are bound to stumble across some rare and exotic disease that matches your situation to the dot. Remember that grape you ate last week? Unfortunately 1 in 2,000,000 people suffer from a rare allergic reaction to grapes that makes them tired in the morning, hate work, get angry during traffic, and have poorly timed bowel movements. Oh my God that’s me! I knew it wasn’t really my fault when I stapled my coworker’s sweater together!

Even worse are the online quizzes (why in the world is that z doubled) that will tell you what illness you have based on the answers you give. How often do you feel lethargic? Honestly, how many times do you burp a day? In what direction do you get headaches? After what seems to be an hour of nothing but filling in digital bubbles you come to a professional, and completely reliable discovery about your failing health. I myself have learned from the powers that be on the internet that not only do I have chronic daily headache syndrome, I am manic depressive, have type I diabetes, and most likely harbor a parasitic worm in my brain that is surrounding a benign tumor caused by eating non-organic foods. All this discovered on my quest to find out why I have moderate headaches. Maybe I’m looking in the wrong place?

But the internet, in all its wisdom and truth, has shown me yet another option to the source of my headaches. I, in the prime of my youth, am now maturing into my super powers. Most likely a form of telekinesis or telepathy, which will then help me to save the world. Long story short, I will be reborn!


Nope. It was the oral syphilis.


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Posted by on October 11, 2010 in Uncategorized


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