There are certain recurring ideas and objects in my life that will probably make their way into this blog. One of them is “video games”. Yes, I had to put those in quotations, because singularizing a plural object is awkward… and so is making up words. But I digress.
Here we stumble across one of these blogable moments. I’m standing around playing Dragon Age: Origins (I stand when playing video games… makes me feel slightly less of a waste of space) and I talk to my provocative bisexual companion, Zevran the elf assassin. First thing he asks, in his sexually charged way, is “what is your desire?”. I laugh, because I find the character hilarious, and then I continue laughing because I honestly have no idea what my answer would be. Desire is a funny thing to me. It connotes physical or emotional needs and wants, passion, excitement, maybe even a bit of sighing and a dash of sexual undertones.
All of which, quite honestly I don’t really ever feel. Excitement in the sense of riding a roller coaster, perhaps, and even then the only one that ever truly thrilled me was X2 at Magic Mountain (Which I truly do suggest for roller coaster lovers out there, it’s worth the ridiculous line and fainting patrons). All of the others I truly don’t believe I understand quite fully, especially the physical aspects. A friend of mine was walking with me one day when she very nearly swooned where she stood upon seeing, what I can only assume, was a ridiculously attractive male. Very rarely do I see anyone *actually* swooning, and here I was, gaping in confusion at her while she shamelessly stared at this new piece of eye candy. I bring this phenomenon up in conversation later with a group of friends and they all admit to visually enjoying these living statues, sometimes even fantasizing about them right then and there on the spot. One even said that “sometimes they’re so hot you just want to make out with them”.
I suddenly felt that I was surrounded by a group of harpies waiting to ravish the flesh of tall mortal men and their Mediterranean tans. What unspeakable horror of horrors have I unleashed onto my psyche?
Romantic relationships, outright flirting, puppy love and all the in between I’ve seen and done. But I have never desired someone. Can your heart truly skip a beat without signalling some sort of dangerous cardiovascular disease? Do women really start internally blushing at the sight of an attractive man like some horny anime character with her skirt hiked up too high? What is it that causes humans to be *constantly* in heat? Even the bitch in the kennel can only handle it twice a year before lulling herself back into homeostasis. In all my years of living not one person has caused such a reaction in me. Personally I am thankful for this gift, but many others claim I am missing out on something amazing. What amazes me are humans, and the surprisingly constant reactivity to physical stimuli.
Perhaps the sexual elf-assassin lies dormant in all of us, and we are surrounded by potential objects of desire constantly? He also asks in the game dialogue if there are more ropes and chains… I should probably stop my analogy here before scaring myself into a stupor.